No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
