why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
