I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
