Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
