Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
