For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
