there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
