I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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