At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
