I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
