The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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