Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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