you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize