then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
