I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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