Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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