Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
