When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize