Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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