I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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