im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
