I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
nutella sex= disaster
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize