Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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