the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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