just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
