he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
