i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
