Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
