PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
