She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
