Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
