i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
