Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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