Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
