woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize