Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
