can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
