yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
