i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
