I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
