the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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