I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
