thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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