someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
