Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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