It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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