hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The uberlube is also flammable
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize