What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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