was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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