She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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