it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
