Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
