check it out our google latitudes are spooning
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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