Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
