Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
