man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
