im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
