you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
A bitchslap is in order.
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