So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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