She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
