Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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