i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
