I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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