I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
