what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
