I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
