i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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