Heybabeimwearingurpanties
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
