She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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