i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
